I have tried everything I can think of to lose weight.
Nothing has worked very well.
My heart is heavy over this fact.
It seemed the harder I tried the worse I failed.
I set a facebook status.
A friend suggested going to a doctor she goes too.
(she is not overweight but underweight)
I called.
I went.
I am still going.
I started going the beginning of August 2012.
I went today.
It's been about 2 months...
August 2012.....279.6
October 2012...262.2
Loss of: 16.6lbs
I am on some more supplements as of today.
Hopefully it helps some.
I'm also on a higher protein, no carb type diet.
Yes, it sucks.
Nikki
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Weight loss is hard.
Food is a stronghold for me. I use it for comfort, to sooth me, to help me feel better when things happen to get hard. When all else fails I know I can turn to it and it will not judge me, it will not reject me, it will not make me feel bad (until afterwards), it is just there...it is my "friend".
I have struggled with my weight all my life it feels like. I have always hated the way I looked, feeling like I was the fattest girl in the world. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking all those years. I did not get really big until after my 5th child. I got bigger, but not REALLY big. I was over 300lbs after my last baby (11th living child). I found myself avoiding all mirrors and pictures. I have always been the one behind the camera so that I didn't have to be in front of it. My weight has affected every area of my life, my self-esteem and will power are shot. Yet I hate that I judged simply due to my weight. I feel like I will fail at anything I try because I can not overcome this stronghold.
Posting this here is my last ditch effort to conquer this issue. I am going to post some pictures...past (when I thought I was fat) and now...
Food is a stronghold for me. I use it for comfort, to sooth me, to help me feel better when things happen to get hard. When all else fails I know I can turn to it and it will not judge me, it will not reject me, it will not make me feel bad (until afterwards), it is just there...it is my "friend".
I have struggled with my weight all my life it feels like. I have always hated the way I looked, feeling like I was the fattest girl in the world. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking all those years. I did not get really big until after my 5th child. I got bigger, but not REALLY big. I was over 300lbs after my last baby (11th living child). I found myself avoiding all mirrors and pictures. I have always been the one behind the camera so that I didn't have to be in front of it. My weight has affected every area of my life, my self-esteem and will power are shot. Yet I hate that I judged simply due to my weight. I feel like I will fail at anything I try because I can not overcome this stronghold.
Posting this here is my last ditch effort to conquer this issue. I am going to post some pictures...past (when I thought I was fat) and now...
Bob and I at my senior prom (1991)
This was a baby shower for my 4th (1998)
Cheryl, Me and Carolyn at our 20th high school reunion (2011)
As you can see, I have put on a lot of weight over the years. I use to think I was fat when I was a teenager and even when I was pregnant with my 4th. I really wasn't! Now I am and I am sick and tired of it!
I started on HCG again yesterday. I did it this time last year and lost 28lbs. I have managed to keep most of it off even, but I have tons more to lose. I am going to post every week with a picture and current weight. I am going to wear the same thing each time. Hopefully this will help motivate me to finish losing this weight!
I will do pics and weigh in on Mondays, but I am starting with today.
4/18/12 267.6lbs
I hope everyone will follow me as I embark on this journey. Please keep praying for me and let me know what you think :)
Nikki
Monday, July 26, 2010
Muffin recipes I want to try :-)
Cinnamon and Sugar
1 ½ cups of flour.
¾ cup of milk.
¾ cup of chocolate chips.
½ cup of brown sugar.
½ cup of puréed banana.
¼ cup of vegetable oil.
3 teaspoons of baking powder.
½ teaspoon of salt.
½ teaspoon of cinnamon.
¼ teaspoon of nutmeg.
Pour the mixture into greased muffin tins, about two-thirds full.
Bake at 400°F (205°C) for twenty minutes.
wet ingredients
- 3/4 cup fresh milk
- 1/2 cup melted butter, applesauce or oil
- 1 fresh egg
dry ingredients
- 2 cups flour
- 2/3 cups sugar
- 3 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 teaspoon salt
cinnamon-sugar topping
- 1/2 cup melted butter in one bowl
- 1/2 cup sugar with 1 teaspoon cinnamon in another bowl
Heat oven to 400ºF. Butter bottoms of 12-muffin cup pan.
Beat milk, butter and egg in a medium bowl. Add in flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt all at once. Stir just until flour is moistened. Batter will be lumpy; do not over stir.
Use a large cookie dough scooper to fill muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake until golden brown, 16 to 20 minutes. Immediately remove from pan and carefully roll hot muffin tops in melted butter, then in cinnamon-sugar mixture.
Store cooled muffins in a container with a loose fitting lid and enjoy them later on in your day.
RECIPE FOR PUMPKIN MUFFINS
INGREDIENTS:
1.5 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup canned solid-pack pumpking (from a 15-oz can) (I accidentally put the entire 15 oz. can in, with no ill effects at all)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 tsp pumpkin-pie spice (a combo of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, and allspice)
1.25 cups plus 1 Tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup canned solid-pack pumpking (from a 15-oz can) (I accidentally put the entire 15 oz. can in, with no ill effects at all)
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 tsp pumpkin-pie spice (a combo of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, and allspice)
1.25 cups plus 1 Tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
Equipment: 12 foil or paper muffin liners; a muffin pan with 12 (1/2-cup) muffin cups
DIRECTIONS:
Put oven rack in middle positiona nd preheat oven toe 350F. Put liners in muffin cups.
Put oven rack in middle positiona nd preheat oven toe 350F. Put liners in muffin cups.
Whisk together flour and baking powder in a small bowl.
Whisk together pumpkin, oil, eggs, pumpkin-pie spice, 1.25 cups sugar, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl until smooth, then whisk in flour mixture until just combined.
Stir together cinnamon and remaining 1 tablespoon sugar in another bowl.
Divide batter among muffin cups (each should be about 3/4 full), then spinkle tops with cinnamon-sugar mixture. Bake until puffed and golden brown and a wodden pick or skewer inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes.
Cool in pan on a rack 5 minutes, then transfer muffins from pan to rack and cool to warm or room temperature.
Easy Oatmeal Muffins
Ingredients
Directions
Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins
Ingredients list:
1 medium egg.1 ½ cups of flour.
¾ cup of milk.
¾ cup of chocolate chips.
½ cup of brown sugar.
½ cup of puréed banana.
¼ cup of vegetable oil.
3 teaspoons of baking powder.
½ teaspoon of salt.
½ teaspoon of cinnamon.
¼ teaspoon of nutmeg.
Instructions:
Blend all of the ingredients together thoroughly.Pour the mixture into greased muffin tins, about two-thirds full.
Bake at 400°F (205°C) for twenty minutes.
What do I feel?
Where an I in life? Where am I going?
I feel like my life is nothing more than being a mom. Now yes, I do know that being a mom is a blessing. That it is a calling. It takes a strong person to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I feel like my life can/is so much more. That there is another person inside me, fighting to get out. Someone who wants to feel like she has accomplished something. I know I should be content, happy God has blessed us with so many gifts...I am, truly, I am. I know I can pour myself into my family and take pride in them, but I feel a need to do something for just me.
Reba's song "Is There Life Out There?" totally describes what I feel. I don't want to leave my family, but I want to know if there is life our there.
But what am I looking for? What do I want to do? What will fill this need? What can I do?
I hate this confusion...the only thing I keep going to in my head takes a lot away from my family...
I feel like my life is nothing more than being a mom. Now yes, I do know that being a mom is a blessing. That it is a calling. It takes a strong person to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I feel like my life can/is so much more. That there is another person inside me, fighting to get out. Someone who wants to feel like she has accomplished something. I know I should be content, happy God has blessed us with so many gifts...I am, truly, I am. I know I can pour myself into my family and take pride in them, but I feel a need to do something for just me.
Reba's song "Is There Life Out There?" totally describes what I feel. I don't want to leave my family, but I want to know if there is life our there.
But what am I looking for? What do I want to do? What will fill this need? What can I do?
I hate this confusion...the only thing I keep going to in my head takes a lot away from my family...
Monday, June 28, 2010
emotions
Do you ever feel like you should have taken a different direction in life?
I have been thinking a lot about my life over the past few days. One of those "if I knew then what I know now" moments of sorts.
I messed up a lot in high school, heck, who am I kidding...I don't even really remember high school. I couldn't tell you my teacher's names, who I hung out with, where I went, what I did. I do have a lot of memories, but more times than not someone will say to me "hey do you remember?" and I don't. I also spent from age 14-16 in Charter (residential facility).
I will never forget the day I told my mom I wanted to go to college. She looked at me and told me I was "to stupid" to go. Little did she know that every time I would come up against something those words would ring in my ears "to stupid". I would give up before I even started, not having confidence in what I was trying to do.
Another thing she would tell me was I was "to fat" to attract any decent man and I better take the first one I could get. I am not saying that marrying my husband was wrong but those words "to fat" continue to ring in my ears, so I married the first guy who I could really marry. You know, had a job and could support me and buy me a ring. Over the years we have had many beautiful babies...and I have gained a lot of weight, now I am "to fat"
There is so much I wanted to do in life that I gave up on because of 4 little words said by 1 person. The hurt is still deep within me. I won't say I haven't done anything with my life because I have 11 wonderful blessings, have been able to home school them, and my oldest just got married. I have been married to the same man for 19 years. I however haven't done anything with my life beyond my home. I wanted to join the Army...to late, I wanted to be a doctor...to late. When do the words stop effecting me and it stop becoming to late? When do I actually get to do something for me? I feel so selfish for feeling this way, yet at the same time I feel like I will burst if I don't.
I have been thinking a lot about my life over the past few days. One of those "if I knew then what I know now" moments of sorts.
I messed up a lot in high school, heck, who am I kidding...I don't even really remember high school. I couldn't tell you my teacher's names, who I hung out with, where I went, what I did. I do have a lot of memories, but more times than not someone will say to me "hey do you remember?" and I don't. I also spent from age 14-16 in Charter (residential facility).
I will never forget the day I told my mom I wanted to go to college. She looked at me and told me I was "to stupid" to go. Little did she know that every time I would come up against something those words would ring in my ears "to stupid". I would give up before I even started, not having confidence in what I was trying to do.
Another thing she would tell me was I was "to fat" to attract any decent man and I better take the first one I could get. I am not saying that marrying my husband was wrong but those words "to fat" continue to ring in my ears, so I married the first guy who I could really marry. You know, had a job and could support me and buy me a ring. Over the years we have had many beautiful babies...and I have gained a lot of weight, now I am "to fat"
There is so much I wanted to do in life that I gave up on because of 4 little words said by 1 person. The hurt is still deep within me. I won't say I haven't done anything with my life because I have 11 wonderful blessings, have been able to home school them, and my oldest just got married. I have been married to the same man for 19 years. I however haven't done anything with my life beyond my home. I wanted to join the Army...to late, I wanted to be a doctor...to late. When do the words stop effecting me and it stop becoming to late? When do I actually get to do something for me? I feel so selfish for feeling this way, yet at the same time I feel like I will burst if I don't.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
my c-section testimony
I posted this to momys today and thought I would share with everyone else too.
I will share my story in hopes it encourages your friend.
I had and emergency c section with 9th, all went well without problems. my dr. told me that I could have 3 or so more and be fine. this was feb. 06
I got pregnant again and had a repeat c section in oct. 07. when my dr. was stitching me up my uterus was pulling away from the stitches due to thinning. my dr. was able to get me stitched up but not without a lot of problems doing it. I almost had to have a hysterectomy. when he came into my recovery room he looked at me and said "Nikki, you have 10 wonderful children. please think about having any more or not. it would not be good if you do, there was a lot of thinning and I am not sure you can carry another baby. I know this is hard for you, but I suggest you do not get pregnant again. IF you do we will deal with it BUT I just highly suggest against it for your health." I was floored. there was a nurse that has been with me for most of my deliveries, she goes to our church. she said she knew we were trusting God, but God gives us knowledge to make informed decisions.
we spent about 8 months praying about what to. we trust my doctor, so his opinion weighed in greatly on our decision. we have always said that if he said no more, then no more. I have never had problems and so felt that when the time to stop came, he would give the dr the knowledge. my dh scheduled a vasectomy. we both felt peace with this, we *knew* we had God's peace cause it went against everything I have ever really felt and I was okay with this decision.
well, 2 days before dh was to go in guess what? I found out we were pregnant again. God was inventive in His way of letting us know it was HIM that was in charge of this. I was on my monthly when I got pregnant! I was on my last day, so spotting. we spent time together and I spotted a little heavier for 24 hours and that was actually the only time before my next monthly visitor and I was pregnant, no doubt of who was in charge!!
my doctor went over all the stuff that "could happen". one of those things was that liability on him because of the situation because by all "medical" perspectives there would be major complications with my uterus. one big thing was the bigger I got the thinner my wall would become and more chance of rupture. well, I told him right then and there that I appreciated his concern and would understand if he did not want to deliver the baby (he had delivered 9 of my 10 at this point). I also told him that I was at peace because there was no doubt in my mind that God wanted this baby for us. he said he would deliver, but would like me to consider having my tubes tied. he asked me at each appointment and I responded with "my dh and I are still praying". he said okay and that was end of convo about it.
a week before my due date I was hit by a car, I was walking. she backed up into me hitting my belly (she wasn't going very fast). I called my dr and he asked me to go immediately for a sono, so I did. at that time we found out our princess was really a prince lol...or a turtle boy as the lady called him (his nickname is turtle boy and he gets everything we find that has to do with turtles lol). she said everything looked fine but he was a big boy.
a week later I went in for my c section. we prayed and prayed about it because as the time got closer I got nervous. the nurse I had that was there for most of my deliveries (who went to my church) was there again at my request. before going in my dr asked me if he could tie my tubes. I asked if he could wait til we were in there and he saw the condition of my uterus. he said no because of having to sign prior to having it. so we politely said no.
just so you know my prayer had been that God show me what to do. that if I was to have more children he heal my uterus and if I was to stop that I need a hysterectomy.
my husband, best friend and oldest dd was in the room with me (dd's boyfriend and best friend were in the waiting room). the dr was very quiet so I asked how things were going and he said things look good, we'll talk in recovery. after a few minutes he asked what I had been praying and I told him.
in recovery, I first saw my friend the nurse. she came in and asked what I had prayed and said "Nikki, he ANSWERED your prayers! your uterus looked like a first c section. it is perfect, no thinning, nothing. dr was even able to clean it up a bit!"
my dr. came in and shaking his head said "your uterus was perfect, I didn't expect that since he was so big. your prayer were answered."
he was just under 10lbs, my biggest baby yet.
at my postpartum, my dr asked me about birth control or dh "getting it taken care of" and I told him that God has already showed me how big He was and we will pray and go from there. he said "guess I'll see you next year, sometimes you make me wish I had just given you the hysterectomy the first time" I said "maybe and thank you for respecting my wishes cause you knew I wouldn't want that". He told me that everything looked perfect yet again. I left knowing he would prefer we stop having children, and him knowing we would allow God to have His way.
will I have more? I really don't know. are we in charge? no way! we are praying. there are days I don't want anymore, then there are days I can't imagine not having more. if I go off MY emotions we are in trouble, so I pray and give it to God. I love having someone to give it to that I know can and will handle it. It takes one more thing off my shoulders to have to do :-)
well that was way longer than I expected it to be. I hope my testimony helps someone else.
I will share my story in hopes it encourages your friend.
I had and emergency c section with 9th, all went well without problems. my dr. told me that I could have 3 or so more and be fine. this was feb. 06
I got pregnant again and had a repeat c section in oct. 07. when my dr. was stitching me up my uterus was pulling away from the stitches due to thinning. my dr. was able to get me stitched up but not without a lot of problems doing it. I almost had to have a hysterectomy. when he came into my recovery room he looked at me and said "Nikki, you have 10 wonderful children. please think about having any more or not. it would not be good if you do, there was a lot of thinning and I am not sure you can carry another baby. I know this is hard for you, but I suggest you do not get pregnant again. IF you do we will deal with it BUT I just highly suggest against it for your health." I was floored. there was a nurse that has been with me for most of my deliveries, she goes to our church. she said she knew we were trusting God, but God gives us knowledge to make informed decisions.
we spent about 8 months praying about what to. we trust my doctor, so his opinion weighed in greatly on our decision. we have always said that if he said no more, then no more. I have never had problems and so felt that when the time to stop came, he would give the dr the knowledge. my dh scheduled a vasectomy. we both felt peace with this, we *knew* we had God's peace cause it went against everything I have ever really felt and I was okay with this decision.
well, 2 days before dh was to go in guess what? I found out we were pregnant again. God was inventive in His way of letting us know it was HIM that was in charge of this. I was on my monthly when I got pregnant! I was on my last day, so spotting. we spent time together and I spotted a little heavier for 24 hours and that was actually the only time before my next monthly visitor and I was pregnant, no doubt of who was in charge!!
my doctor went over all the stuff that "could happen". one of those things was that liability on him because of the situation because by all "medical" perspectives there would be major complications with my uterus. one big thing was the bigger I got the thinner my wall would become and more chance of rupture. well, I told him right then and there that I appreciated his concern and would understand if he did not want to deliver the baby (he had delivered 9 of my 10 at this point). I also told him that I was at peace because there was no doubt in my mind that God wanted this baby for us. he said he would deliver, but would like me to consider having my tubes tied. he asked me at each appointment and I responded with "my dh and I are still praying". he said okay and that was end of convo about it.
a week before my due date I was hit by a car, I was walking. she backed up into me hitting my belly (she wasn't going very fast). I called my dr and he asked me to go immediately for a sono, so I did. at that time we found out our princess was really a prince lol...or a turtle boy as the lady called him (his nickname is turtle boy and he gets everything we find that has to do with turtles lol). she said everything looked fine but he was a big boy.
a week later I went in for my c section. we prayed and prayed about it because as the time got closer I got nervous. the nurse I had that was there for most of my deliveries (who went to my church) was there again at my request. before going in my dr asked me if he could tie my tubes. I asked if he could wait til we were in there and he saw the condition of my uterus. he said no because of having to sign prior to having it. so we politely said no.
just so you know my prayer had been that God show me what to do. that if I was to have more children he heal my uterus and if I was to stop that I need a hysterectomy.
my husband, best friend and oldest dd was in the room with me (dd's boyfriend and best friend were in the waiting room). the dr was very quiet so I asked how things were going and he said things look good, we'll talk in recovery. after a few minutes he asked what I had been praying and I told him.
in recovery, I first saw my friend the nurse. she came in and asked what I had prayed and said "Nikki, he ANSWERED your prayers! your uterus looked like a first c section. it is perfect, no thinning, nothing. dr was even able to clean it up a bit!"
my dr. came in and shaking his head said "your uterus was perfect, I didn't expect that since he was so big. your prayer were answered."
he was just under 10lbs, my biggest baby yet.
at my postpartum, my dr asked me about birth control or dh "getting it taken care of" and I told him that God has already showed me how big He was and we will pray and go from there. he said "guess I'll see you next year, sometimes you make me wish I had just given you the hysterectomy the first time" I said "maybe and thank you for respecting my wishes cause you knew I wouldn't want that". He told me that everything looked perfect yet again. I left knowing he would prefer we stop having children, and him knowing we would allow God to have His way.
will I have more? I really don't know. are we in charge? no way! we are praying. there are days I don't want anymore, then there are days I can't imagine not having more. if I go off MY emotions we are in trouble, so I pray and give it to God. I love having someone to give it to that I know can and will handle it. It takes one more thing off my shoulders to have to do :-)
well that was way longer than I expected it to be. I hope my testimony helps someone else.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
life right now...
sucks...
It all started a couple weeks ago. JB got sick and was vomiting with diarreah...then I got a cough and chest congestion...then MO and MaJ got the cough too...then JI vomiting and diarreah, it lasted 24 hours...then MaJ vomiting and diarreah...MO is on rx and MaJ, JA, JP and myself are all on a nebulizer. Will it ever stop? I need us all to be healthy by next Thursday....why?
Next Thursday MJ's boyfriend CC is flying home from TX. He is graduating from Air Force training...CC is going to get off the airplane and propose to MJ....I AM SO EXCITED!!! They plan to be married May 15, 2010 and she will move with him to Montana, his first base...that makes me alittle sad, its 20 hours away :-(
Well, better go start dinner...not sure what we are having but have to start it anyways lol.
It all started a couple weeks ago. JB got sick and was vomiting with diarreah...then I got a cough and chest congestion...then MO and MaJ got the cough too...then JI vomiting and diarreah, it lasted 24 hours...then MaJ vomiting and diarreah...MO is on rx and MaJ, JA, JP and myself are all on a nebulizer. Will it ever stop? I need us all to be healthy by next Thursday....why?
Next Thursday MJ's boyfriend CC is flying home from TX. He is graduating from Air Force training...CC is going to get off the airplane and propose to MJ....I AM SO EXCITED!!! They plan to be married May 15, 2010 and she will move with him to Montana, his first base...that makes me alittle sad, its 20 hours away :-(
Well, better go start dinner...not sure what we are having but have to start it anyways lol.
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