Feelings

I am going to attempt to put my feelings here.

My oldest is engaged to a wonderful young man. He is in the Air Force. I adore him to pieces! He is very wonderful to my daughter. He respects her, my dh and I. He also challenges me.

My mom thinks that my daughter is to young to be engaged. I understand her feelings. I don't agree with her but respect her opinion. As I tried to explain this to her she got upset with me. She started putting me down again. She has done this ALL my life. I am really tired of never living up to her standards. I am at the point that I want to cut off all communication with her but don't know how. She always threatens suicide when she isn't getting her way. I couldn't live with that, but I can't live with things the way they are now either. I feel lost...like I just don't know what to do, but if I don't do something then I will die.

All my life my mom has taken every situation and put it back onto her. If I said something like I feel crudy today, she would say "well I feel sh*tty, that's worse than you. If you had to deal with what I did you'd know what it really felt like". She is always the victim and I am always the scapegoat. I don't know how to stop it. I love my mom cause she's my mom, but if I met her someplace else I wouldn't give her the time of day.

I can see some things that I have done that are on the same mentality as my mom. LORD, please take that from me...I don't want to be like her. I know that I am worth it and that I can be so much more. I want to be a better influence on my children. I want to show them that others don't have to be mad in order for them to be happy.

See, this is the place my oldest's fiance' has brought me to. He has made me realize the wonderful blessings God has given me. He has made me realize that others don't have to be in conflict for me to be happy. I can just be happy. It's that simple. I don't have to base my happiness on anyone other than God.

Thank you John!