Do you ever feel like you should have taken a different direction in life?
I have been thinking a lot about my life over the past few days. One of those "if I knew then what I know now" moments of sorts.
I messed up a lot in high school, heck, who am I kidding...I don't even really remember high school. I couldn't tell you my teacher's names, who I hung out with, where I went, what I did. I do have a lot of memories, but more times than not someone will say to me "hey do you remember?" and I don't. I also spent from age 14-16 in Charter (residential facility).
I will never forget the day I told my mom I wanted to go to college. She looked at me and told me I was "to stupid" to go. Little did she know that every time I would come up against something those words would ring in my ears "to stupid". I would give up before I even started, not having confidence in what I was trying to do.
Another thing she would tell me was I was "to fat" to attract any decent man and I better take the first one I could get. I am not saying that marrying my husband was wrong but those words "to fat" continue to ring in my ears, so I married the first guy who I could really marry. You know, had a job and could support me and buy me a ring. Over the years we have had many beautiful babies...and I have gained a lot of weight, now I am "to fat"
There is so much I wanted to do in life that I gave up on because of 4 little words said by 1 person. The hurt is still deep within me. I won't say I haven't done anything with my life because I have 11 wonderful blessings, have been able to home school them, and my oldest just got married. I have been married to the same man for 19 years. I however haven't done anything with my life beyond my home. I wanted to join the Army...to late, I wanted to be a doctor...to late. When do the words stop effecting me and it stop becoming to late? When do I actually get to do something for me? I feel so selfish for feeling this way, yet at the same time I feel like I will burst if I don't.
2 comments:
http://cathidrake.blogspot.com/2008/11/true-love-is-neither-physical-nor.html
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
These two sentences are the reasons I loved my mother; I just loved her from a distance and let her live the life that she enjoyed. I didn’t try to change her, but I didn’t let her change me either because true love is an acceptance of all that is, was, could be, and will never be.
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