Food is a stronghold for me. I use it for comfort, to sooth me, to help me feel better when things happen to get hard. When all else fails I know I can turn to it and it will not judge me, it will not reject me, it will not make me feel bad (until afterwards), it is just there...it is my "friend".
I have struggled with my weight all my life it feels like. I have always hated the way I looked, feeling like I was the fattest girl in the world. I look back now and wonder what I was thinking all those years. I did not get really big until after my 5th child. I got bigger, but not REALLY big. I was over 300lbs after my last baby (11th living child). I found myself avoiding all mirrors and pictures. I have always been the one behind the camera so that I didn't have to be in front of it. My weight has affected every area of my life, my self-esteem and will power are shot. Yet I hate that I judged simply due to my weight. I feel like I will fail at anything I try because I can not overcome this stronghold.
Posting this here is my last ditch effort to conquer this issue. I am going to post some pictures...past (when I thought I was fat) and now...
Bob and I at my senior prom (1991)
This was a baby shower for my 4th (1998)
Cheryl, Me and Carolyn at our 20th high school reunion (2011)
As you can see, I have put on a lot of weight over the years. I use to think I was fat when I was a teenager and even when I was pregnant with my 4th. I really wasn't! Now I am and I am sick and tired of it!
I started on HCG again yesterday. I did it this time last year and lost 28lbs. I have managed to keep most of it off even, but I have tons more to lose. I am going to post every week with a picture and current weight. I am going to wear the same thing each time. Hopefully this will help motivate me to finish losing this weight!
I will do pics and weigh in on Mondays, but I am starting with today.
4/18/12 267.6lbs
I hope everyone will follow me as I embark on this journey. Please keep praying for me and let me know what you think :)
Nikki
